Insecurity is a Lack of Self-Validation

Empower yourself to become your best.  There are many emotions by which we restrict ourselves… fear, shame, guilt and more. One of the most insidious among them is insecurity. Insecurity has a way of burrowing deep into all our other negative feelings. It brings out the worst of our fears and breaks us apart from the insides.

My first serious relationship, which included being engaged, was perhaps the most difficult time of my life. Our entire relationship was fed by insecurity. “Who was that girl you just said HI to?” “Where are you going without me?” “I’ll never measure up to what you want.” These were just a few of the haunting thoughts and comments that played out because of insecurity.

No matter what was said to reassure, insecurity always won. It took me many years to realize why and how it wins: insecurity is a lack of self-validation. To overcome insecurity you must have healthy conversations with yourself first. Nobody else’s words can overpower your own lack of self-worth and confidence. You must do it for yourself.

Fortunately, insecurity is easy to defeat once you start doing the opposite: build confidence. Confidence is knowledge of yourself. Knowing what you’re capable of in any given situation, including the ability to enlist the help of others, is what makes you feel confident. To stop feeling insecure about anything, you simply need to acknowledge who you are and what you’re capable of doing. That simple acknowledgement IS self-validation and results in confidence.

The next time you feel insecure about anything (your looks, your weight, your ability, your relationship, etc.) ask yourself who you are and what you can do to change. You know you can wear different clothes, change your diet and habits, learn new skills, give love first, etc. Knowing that you can do these things is a way of telling yourself that you can overcome whatever you feel insecure about. Try it. Validate yourself and watch the insecurity disappear.

This article by Richard D. Walker is an excerpt from his upcoming book on beliefs. Richard is the author of “It’s My Life! I Can Change If I Want To” and “It’s My Life! I Can Have The Job I Want” ( He is also the CEO for Efficient Technology Inc where he writes a weekly blog on leadership, management, efficiency and more (

Oh, and if the t-shirt made you laugh, you can get it here.