You know how sometimes life throws a bunch of things at you all at once and you end up seeing a theme emerge? Well, without getting into a lot of the dirty details, let’s just say this has happened to me. The outcome – a constant tie back to the concept of stepping out the comfort zone. Everywhere I look, it seems to be a curse of sorts holding us all back from better, more productive, successful, and most importantly, happier lives.
While I do seem to be forever confronting this issue in my work life as we help people around the world in their career evolutions, it really hit home for me when I was back home for the holidays. To set the scene for you, my mom and aunt are identical twins. The three of us were together, which never seems to happen enough, and we were debating where to go for dinner. My mom, out of habit, suggested the local diner. My aunt, suggested a slightly nicer place. Just then I turned to my trusty iPhone (everything but the phone I should say, sadly), and pulled up Yelp. Since I’ve been teaching my mom about the social media world lately, I figured this would be a great resource to show her so she could get real feedback from her neighbors on the best restaurants, stores and services in her area. I use it all the time and figured she would too.
Fascinated with this app, I planted myself between the two of them, mesmerized on the couch, and preceded to show them how the GPS navigation pinpointed exactly where we were in the world in a second, and how by taping the “restaurant” option, everything that served food in the area appeared effortlessly. Instantly, they were looking for the familiar, and marveling at all that they’d never heard of or experienced. I pulled up the restaurant they’d suggested originally and read aloud the only two reviews, that were bad. Then I found a place we’d never heard of that had 8 raving reviews. My mouth was watering from the pictures so I made an enthusiastic pitch to try it out. My aunt agreed. Mom, pulled way back, as if she was struggling to contain a wild horse fighting to run wild. Her response became almost comical to watch.
Mom: “It’s too far.”
Me: “Yelp says its .1 miles from the first place”
Mom: “I don’t know that area. We’ll get lost.”
Me: “Mom, we have a GPS in the car. And one on my phone here too. We can also call if we have a problem, you know.”
Mom: “I really don’t want to do a whole sit down.”
Me: “Were we going to drive through the diner somehow?”
Mom: “I don’t want to experiment.
Me: “Mom, it’s Italian food.”
Mom: “Oh, I don’t really want to go out, I’m tired.”
Me & My Aunt: “Come on! How often do the three of us get to go to dinner alone?”
Mom: “I’m not dressed properly.”
Me: “Your already dressed better than most people anywhere. You look great!”
Mom: “Ahhh….come on…let’s just go to the diner.”
Followed by a moan, whine, moan, throwing up of hands, a resentful changing of clothes, then us venturing out to the new restaurant to check it out.
It turned out to be one of the best meals we’ve had together in years.
Even better, it was one of the best nights we’d ever spent together.
What got my mom so stuck in her little few square mile comfort zone? The same things that get the rest of us stuck in bad relationships, jobs, environments, ruts, or whatever the familiar circumstances are, I’d imagine.
We all have them. And they’re called “comfort zones” for a reason. To some great extent, we feel more safe and at peace among what we know. The big question is, what are we missing out on outside of those invisible walls? What caused us to draw the lines where they are in the first place?
It’s healthy to challenge the status quo. Encouraging ourselves and others to explore the unknown is how we grow as people and as professionals.
Start to think about what your own comfort zones look like. How tightly contained is the life you are living…or ever changing and expansive? The latter might actually cause someone to crave some shred of stability or routine. I can kind of relate to that myself.
Once you know your own pre-conceived boundaries, start to explore why they are where they are. Try stepping outside the lines. Relish the heart pumping excitement, fear, and uncertainty of what lies beyond. (A great case in point, Monique’s article about Traveling Alone!) Celebrate your new discoveries and successes and stop being afraid of crossing the lines.
Your comfort zones are not electrified fences. They might feel like it sometimes, as my mom showed with our big bold new restaurant excursion, but just stop to consider all that you could be missing out on. I certainly am. As we close out 2009, let’s vow to support one another here and in the rest of our lives as we venture to make our worlds more rich and rewarding. Life’s too short not to get the most we can out of it.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Excellent post. Really good advice can be so timely!
True, we always find excuses which always hold us back from that real best thing we can achieve or experience…
What Jen has shared is right. Sometimes it’s not easy for us to get out of our comfort zones. It feels like something is pulling us back from succeeding. Once you start moving it’s like you’re pulling a whole bag of cement, but as you move it gets lighter and lighter. When you are on the other side you start asking yourself “what is it that I was afraid of?” ….Nothing, and mostly its nothing. “what if I fail” what if you succeed.
If we don’t evolve we die slowly inside.
If this is the biggest decision/best story you can come up with about getting out of your comfort zone I really feel sorry for you. Try moving to another country, changing industries or taking a vacation for longer than a few days to a place where you don’t speak the language. These may seem like “crazy” ideas but they are actually a lot more comon than you think and develop your personal self a lot more than trying a new restaurant .1 miles from your local favorite. I had to laugh out loud when I read the actual story that you came up with to illustrate your point. Concept good, example beyond bad.
Thank you everyone for your comments.
Connor my friend, we need to talk. I’m guessing you’re new to YSN/YoungandSuccessful and unfamiliar with me, considering your comments. Please do not feel sorry for me. I have done more in my 36 years on earth than most ever will in a lifetime. Just to put your mind at ease, I have literally traveled over one million miles around the world, to over 30 countries (1st to 3rd world), have interacted with people from over 190, worked with governments, educators, parents, young people, non profits, the biggest of corporations and been in front of hundreds of millions in the media. I have also been working like a dog to help people get out of their own way (or their comfort zones) for 17 years now by building multiple businesses and an entire career around it. I assure you, my life is far from sheltered.
Unfortunately, I know too well that few have a fraction of the opportunity that I have had. Actually, they don’t even realize they can manifest it for themselves. This example, while extremely simple, was used for a reason, to show that even the smallest, most insignificant of decisions can limit us in life. I talk about the big, meaty, life changing decisions all the time here on the blog, in our books, in speaking engagements, in magazines and on television. Sometimes the simple examples are the most profound though. Again, when you deal with such a global audience, it’s best to hit them with concepts from all angles and perspectives. 100s of letters we’ve received prove that it does work.
In all due respect, I hope you’ll give us and others you interact with a little more of a chance before attacking their ideas publicly online. Constructive criticism is ALWAYS appreciated here but I feel terrible when, in a rare case like this, people misjudge my intentions or perspective for being limited, when in fact, I’m just trying to communicate important lessons and messages that often get lost in references that seem unattainable for some.
Please do check out my blog post from today to called “Back From Brazil”. I think it’s a pretty good follow up response to your comment alone. You see I just went there for four days to “get out of my comfort zone” and wrote about it, like I typically do to help others see life from a different perspective.
Allow me to close with an invitation. If you have a perspective on this topic with some stronger examples that you think would benefit our readers, by all means send something into us that we can publish. It would be our pleasure to share your perspective on the topic.
Thanks for understanding and reconsidering your POV. I hope, that is.
Jen